Anonymous asked: I'm asking people I follow a question. You seem very inspirational so here we go. I just recently went through a heartbreak and I wanna know from someone else. If there was any relationship that you would fight to get back which one?

I don’t even know if whoever asked me this question still follows me or even still cares about my answer, but here it goes. There is not one relationship that I have ever had that I have not been deeply connected to. There is a sense of love I have for someone before I date them. And I’m not one of those guys who says it back, I’m usually always the “I love you” person in the relationship. I take that kind of stuff seriously. So to focus more one what you asked. Yes. If, I’ve ever told you I love you, then a part of you will always be with me. But there are three main relationships I would go back and fix if I could.

Sabraun was like my best friend. And under many conditions, I consider her my first girlfriend. We grew up together kinda. From eighth grade to of and on throughout high school up until junior year. That relationship really laid down the foundation for how I am with women now. It was a learning experience. …Or on the job training. There were so many mistakes… Too many. But it helped me grow. She helped me grow. If I met her tomorrow for the first time, we’d be great.In some shape or form we’ve always been connected. Some type of a friend ship has always stood between us and I’m always grateful for that. 

Raven…. …imagine bliss. Complete happiness. Raven was so wonderful. Lol, I remember I didn’t even think she was real at first. Not like, “I think im dreaming this cant be real” type of real, but a “she doesn’t exist this is a stolen picture and some guy with no t-shirt and huge man breasts” type of real. ….So she oovoo’d me…. She was exactly as beautiful as the picture…. More even. I fell in love as soon as I new she was a possibility. And she seemed to walk into my life at a time when things could not get more great. A blessing. But, I still had a nice bit of growing to do. She was my fairy tail. My once in a lifetime… And I loved every minute of it. She was murder to all of my senses. She brought them to and took them over the ceiling.

Ms.McElveen… My ex… I will speak of her when people ask me of my first marriage. I feel like we were that together with how we felt. This is who I learned my sensuality from. How to touch a woman, how to make her feel as though she is the only woman in the world using only my hands. We shaped  some of the best and worst parts of each other. She was the real world. We understood everything in a deeper sense than most people on earth. A lot that we did (including be with each other) didn’t make sense to most people but we were able to see things differently. It’s like we had a third eye that would only open for each other. I wouldn’t change anything…

There will always be a spot in my heart for all three of those women. I love each of them like it is no one’s business. Try your hardest if you want someone. Be with all of them and let them be with all of you. Be vulnerable. And yes, there is a chance that it won’t work, that everything you have done and will try is a waste of time. ..But think about how beautiful it can be if it works. Keep that vision of paradise. Because there is one for all of us. And you can’t unlock a door using half a key. Break-ups happen. All you can do is learn… Take the fall, brush the dirt off, and keep moving forward. I hope you’re okay. And I hope you’re doing better everyday

I don’t realize I’m lonely until after 9pm. I think of my past and everyone that has been in it and try to pick out someone I think will talk to me. And I hate it. I miss being able to talk to someone at a moment’s notice. Or having someone to call me at three in the morning because they’re scared, or bored, or even just because they miss me. I miss being connected. And I say it so much. But honestly, it doesn’t mean anything when I say it. No one would date me how I am currently. …I have a lot to fix. …That’s not me shaming myself, I love myself and do not condone self hate, but it’s me acknowledging that I have some work to do. Crazy thing is, i used to always get crazy out of shape and be super poorly groomed after a break-up. I would wait to find someone who liked that guy and I would make myself better for them. I’ve never really been able to push it forward for myself…. But, i’m trying man. I’m trying seriously hard.

I’m really liking New Girl…

Really trying to get my motivation back… It seems horribly hard to even get out of bed every morning. and to get out of this chair in the evening.

Very very horrible body image week so far….

vorfreudde:

you know how people lose their virginity, im like gaining it

(via notchicken)

My dad just gave me this hat a couple of days ago. I’m thinking of calling it my tumblr hat. Everytime i open my laptop I have it on.

I hate how fat my face… I see what happens when you take a couple days off of diet and exercise. My plan is still to be under 200 pounds by my birthday. Which is a little less than 100 days away.

I always look horrible at work. Always. Lol, I have one more hour guys! One! Then I get to go home, shower, workout, and do homework. …..and eat. The last one is the most important.

Still at work….. im hot. And tired.

Work…. (screams help)
The sun plays too much….
Basketball today. Me vs the Texas heat.

Hey guys. Been gone all day. No pictures and I missed a run. I’m kind of upset about that. But I got paid today! ….Not my entire earnings though… (sad face) Soooo, grrr. That was for my employer. I hope all of you guys had a great day!!

I didn’t get paid today. I’m pissed man…